I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
