Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
