a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
