Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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