If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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