he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
