you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
