Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
