dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
