Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
