Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
