He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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