you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You can't special order awesome
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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