Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
