We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
