i permit you to call me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
