I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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