Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
