I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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