I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
