I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
