Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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