i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
