I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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