I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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