I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
