I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
