and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
