So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
