i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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