apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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