farters have to be the big spoon...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
