I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
