My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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