hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize