i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize