I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
