Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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