1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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