I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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