woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize