we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
