True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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