How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
