Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
