Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
