Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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