hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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