I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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