i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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