So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize