using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize