Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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