there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
