Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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