Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
