The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize