Sponge bath it is.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
