So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
